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It isn't easy being Greenland
Date: 2026-Jan-19           Author: Barry Shatzman
There are big problems with this message from U.S. President Donald Trump to Norway Prime Minister Jonas Store.
But the one you're thinking of isn't the worst. It isn't the second-worst either. Nope... not even in the top three. It comes in a 4th place.
Admit it... you think it's that he threatened war because nobody gave him a real peace prize. Sure that's the same childish logic as bopping the umpire on the head to convince him to reverse that unsportsmanlike conduct foul he called on you. But "stop the presses" childish? I did say it came from Trump, right? So like i said - a solid Honorable Mention and a gold-foiled chocolate coin left over from Chanukah.
Third place rests firmly in his argument that Denmark thinks it owns Greenland even though they can't find the deed. Tell me you weren't waiting like me for the PM to run to AI and print out a bogus deed. As for the boat thing, maybe Trump just hasn't watched enough PragerU videos. A spot on the podium and a purple artificial heart.
Which brings us to the two finalists.
The second most serious problem with what Trump wrote is about Denmark not being able to protect Greenland from Russia or China. I'm guessing he forgot about NATO, which would be obligated to fight off the attackers. Even without NATO, why doesn't Trump bother to mention that the U.S. could defend it without needing to take over its commerce or take away their healthcare? In fact we already have a base there. And they'll let us build more bases.
So that's why this argument to invade Greenland pushes both the disingenuous and dangerous needles well into the red zone.
But still that's only the first runner up. Still... Dirtiest Pig in the State Fair medal for this job well done.
But the grand prize gold frame goes to the biggest problem with all this talk of invading Greenland.
